Can You Guess What I'll Be Baking?

Deli Rye Blitz Bread

Flavorful and light with a crispy crust.  Found the recipe at King Arthur Flour.  It certainly went together easily, but it calls for deli rye flavor, a specialty ingredient sold (only?) by King Arthur Flour.  I already had some on hand, so it was not a big deal for me to use it in this bread, but I'm not sure what to recommend as a substitute.  Maybe just sub a half cup of rye flour for some of the white flour?  Add a little vinegar for some tang?  Hmmm...

With a full tablespoon of yeast for just three cups of flour, the dough certainly did rise quickly.  In fact, it nearly got away from me and I had to walk it very gently from the counter to the oven, so it would not deflate. But it took forever to bake.  At least 60 minutes (the recipe said 35-40 minutes) and, ideally, it should have gone another 10-15 minutes because the very top, under the sauerkraut, was barely cooked.  Perhaps I did not squeeze the sauerkraut dry enough?  Another possibility is that I used only 3 cups of flour rather than 3-1/2 because my flour is so dry this time of year.   But the consistency of the dough after mixing seemed perfect and I think if I'd added all the flour, it would have been very difficult to spread in the pan. 

This bread also needs to cool quite a bit before cutting it.  I did not wait and the first pieces were quite gummy, but the piece I ate later, was much better (additional cooking time would have probably also helped with this).  Changes I'd make next time would be to bake it even longer, until medium brown on top, and to sprinkle the top with a bit of salt before baking (I imagine this depends a lot on the particular brand of sauerkraut -- I used Del Monte).

One last quibble...  I'd make this again, but probably not when we have company over.  While the sauerkraut topping adds a nice flavor, it dries in the oven into little strands that are easily lodged between your teeth.  So while it went well with the arugula salad I had for dinner, it needed to be served with a side of dental floss or toothpicks.

Recipe Sources

So where am I finding all these new recipes?

I get recipes delivered to by inbox every week from Epicurious and King Arthur Flour. And delivered to my mailbox from Cook's Illustrated and Sunset (I still subscribe to it even though it is a "western living" magazine -- I've found nothing on the east coast to match it, especially when it comes to cooking and gardening). Wednesday's Washington Post contains the Food Section, although it pales in comparison to the ones from the Los Angeles Times and, especially, the San Francisco Chronicle.

For additional inspiration, I've become fond of Food Gawker which has gorgeous pictures of some really interesting and different dishes. It draws from a lot of sources which saves time that would otherwise be spent searching through various blogs. Nearly all the items are submitted by readers (as I understand it), but it appears they have pretty high standards in what they accept and publish on their site. 

And when I can't find a "new" recipe, I look through my "old" recipes. Like that Tasty Toaster Tarts recipe I printed out nearly two years ago. I have stacks of printed/torn-out recipes from various sources  (some in binders, but the majority are in a couple of large piles) and a few bookcases of cookbooks (that I keep adding to!) . So no excuses for me -- there is a surplus of recipes to try.

The semi-popular cookbooks.  

(The rarely-used ones are in another bookcase in the office and the favorite cookbooks are downstairs in the kitchen.)

Pop-Tarts at Home

As a teenager, one of my favorite two breakfast foods was Pop-Tarts (the other was plain Cap'n Crunch cereal, straight from the box, sans milk).  And my preferred flavor of Pop-Tart -- unfrosted strawberry, toasted (to get rid of that raw flour taste), but cooled.  So when I saw a recipe for Tasty Toaster Tarts, I immediately printed it out.  But that was nearly a year and half ago and I'm just now finally trying it.

First of all, it was not a quick recipe to put together.  It took me nearly a full hour to roll out the dough, prep the filling (I used the alternate jam-based filling) and form the tarts.  After a half an hour rest in the refrigerator and a half an hour in the oven, they came out pretty well.  The strawberry preserves I used did not have much added sugar and RWT felt the tarts were not quite sweet enough.  I messed up with my cutting and ended up with 12 square tarts rather than 9 rectangular ones (so much for carefully reading directions) and that definitely affected the ratio of crust to filling, so that could have also had something to do with RWT's dissatisfaction with them (not that it stopped him from eating four of them while I was out this afternoon).

So will I ever make them again?   The crust is not too dissimilar from your average pie crust (even though it contains an egg), but they are like "real" Pop-Tarts in that I prefer them toasted and cooled because they seemed a little greasy when hot.  I underbaked them a bit so they'd not be too brown to be subsequently toasted, but next time I would bake them until they were a little more brown and not worry about getting the toaster involved.  If there is a next time...  if a pastry is going to take that much time, I think I might just make something else, like sticky buns or donuts or croissants or danish or...

[For those keeping score, I only made a couple of new recipes this last week.  Multiple social commitments have meant that we've not been eating many meals nor spending much time at home for the last few days.  But I plan on making the Deli Rye Blitz Bread tomorrow afternoon which will get me all caught up so I can start on the other recipes I have planned for this coming week.]

Next Week's Recipe Plan

RWT will be off basking in the warmth of Hawii next week, so I'm looking forward to trying out some new recipes that contain ingredients he does not care for. The food section in this week's paper had a recipe for Kimchi and that is a possible candidate. I'm not sure I'll have time between now and then to shop for the specialty ingredients called for in that recipe, so perhaps I'll look for a recipe that cheats when it comes to authenticity and uses ingredients I already have on hand (I have a hard time believing the dish will be totally "ruined" if I use a different kind of chile pepper).  

Another recipe that I must make is this one for Chocolate Peanut Butter Crispy Bars and, because RWT hates peanuts in any application that is not savory, next week will be the perfect time to try it out. I am not big on chocolate, but mix it with peanut butter and make it crunchy... mmmmm. 

The above recipe came from Baked, New Frontiers in Baking by Matt Lewis and Renato Poliafito and I really want to get that book. Why? From the description on Amazon: "a Malt Ball Cake with Milk Chocolate Frosting, which captures the flavor of their favorite Whoppers candies (and ups the ante with a malted milk ball garnish)." Yes, Malted Milk Ball-based cake. As EES recently discovered when he got some for us to "share", I have zero self-control when it comes to malted milk balls. Yeah, I don't really need yet another baking cookbook, but it contains a recipe for a Malted Milk Ball cake.  Malted Milk Balls! Time to put it on my Amazon wishlist. 

So that leaves one more savory recipe. I had Kale Chips at a get-together a couple of weeks ago and they were delicious. But it is really not much to try in the way of a recipe since it only entails removing the ribs from the kale, tossing it with oil, sprinkling with salt and pepper and then baking it. Plus, I do already know what they taste like (really good!), so maybe it should not count as a new recipe. I still have the celery root I bought the other day when I was on my quest for daikon.  Perhaps a Celery Root and Potato Gratin.  Or ???  Hmmm....

Update:  I stopped on my way home from lunch and picked up some Korean chile powder and salted shrimp at my favorite specialty market (88 Market on Rte. 7, Culmore Plaza, it carries both Asian and Hispanic foods), so after a trip to the commissary next week, I'll be good to go for the Kimchi.

Tomato Aspic

Way back when, my mom would inevitably make tomato aspic whenever she had a group of church ladies coming over for a daytime get-together that involved food.  All the ladies would ooh and aah over it and ask her for the recipe.  I recall her aspic as being something that no one ever assumed I would like, but I always found it delicious and thought of myself as quite sophisticated in doing so.  So with a bunch of military spouses (I nearly wrote "wives" -- we do try to be politically correct, but there is only one man in the club, so I still sometimes forget and use the "w" word) coming over for a board meeting, I started thinking...  aspic!

I have some rather warm fuzzy memories of my mother actually making her tomato aspic, but there is a disturbingly nagging image of lemon jello being involved in the process.  I looked through my mom's old recipe box, but could not find her recipe (one of my sisters must have liberated it from the box before it found itself in my possession).  This sounds the closest to her recipe taste-wise (at least to my recollection), but the lure of ease sang its siren song and I made this recipe instead.  I used a small bundt pan as the mold (just like my mom always did) and I wish I'd taken pictures of it because it turned out quite fetching.

I decided on a Cucumber Dressing to accompany the aspic although my mom always served mayonnaise with hers. But when I went to make the dressing, it was one of those days... I grabbed the mayo and there was only a couple of tablespoons left in the jar (RWT!). Then I snagged the sour cream to find only a tablespoon there. So I made up the rest of the half-cup called for with Greek yogurt.  It still came out well, although the nostalgic side of me wanted more of a mayonnaise flavor with the aspic.

For the meeting, I had made Spiced Peaches (they are sort of sweet pickled with cinnamon and cloves, maybe I'll post the recipe here sometime), Green Chili and Chorizo Strata, Scones (found Devonshire cream at the commissary of all places) and that Lemon Cream Cheese Coffee Cake.  I thought Tomato Aspic would have rounded out the menu nicely, but at the last minute decided that group of ladies would probably not truly appreciate its retro yumminess, so I kept it for myself.  As I expected, RWT would have nothing to do with the gorgeous blob of tomato-y-ness, but I did manage to get EES and CB (an aspic virgin!) to try it out.

So I guess this adventure should be categorized as a new recipe, but an old favorite.  Not something I'll make regularly, but maybe for the Spring Birders' Brunch. I know that group cannot think I am any crazier than they already do.

[If you still want to read more about aspic, this is an interesting post although it appears the author is not much of a fan of aspic's jiggly goodness.]

Nem Nuong (Pork Meatball) Banh Mi

Nem Nuong (Pork Meatball) Banh Mi  

Pretty darn tasty.  And surprisingly filling.  One of those sandwiches was plenty.

I followed the recipe as written for the most part.  Omitted the sliced jalapenos in the finished sandwich because they would have been too spicy for RWT.  As it was, the level of heat was close to his comfort limit.

Also, I did not have any daikon which was called for in the recipe.  I'd  planned on buying jicama as a substitute, if need be, but all they had was celery root (that was labeled as jicama, which I bought anyway and will probably use it in a new recipe next week).  So I went with my back-up back-up and used shredded cabbage which worked out well.   In fact, the simple pickled vegetable mix was really good and I'll probably use it in other applications (with the addition of a little sesame oil?). 

I still have about 2/3 of the meatballs, spiced mayo (also not too shabby and will be repurposed at another time) and veggies left for future meals.  The only things I'd do differently next time would be to try it with daikon and to hollow-out the bread a smidge more.  

Definitely worth making this recipe again and I think it would be fun to make it with tiny rolls as an appetizer -- banh mi sliders, anyone?

More Pizza!

On Monday, I made what might possibly be the best homemade pizza of my life. And I've baked a whole lot of pizza over the years. And whole lot of types of pizza ... thin crust, thick crust, deep dish, baked in a pan, baked on a stone, sourdough crust, no-knead crust and crust dough that takes a couple of days to prepare. But I think I may have finally found the Holy Grail of pizza (at least to my taste buds) -- the Chicago-Style Pizza from the Jan/Feb '10 issue of Cook's Illustrated.

And what, you ask, makes this pizza so particularly good? Butter. At least, I think it is the butter. (How can it not be the butter?!?) The dough is made with melted butter and then it is spread with more butter after the first rise and folded up like puff pastry dough. All that butter gives the crust a very nice texture -- tender, yet crisp where it should be. And the flavor is spectacular! The recipe also calls for an hour in the refrigerator for the second rise, but I went birding and left it in for 3-1/2 hours, so that might have also added to the taste. (I wonder how good it would be after spending the night in the refrigerator so the little yeasties can work more of their cool-temperature magic?)

As with most Cook's Illustrated recipes, it reads as quite fussy to make, but it actually went together very quickly.

Behold!


I won't do this for everything I make, but since this one was a definite winner, here is the recipe:

Chicago-Style Pizza

Makes two 9" pies

Dough:
3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour (I used King Arthur brand)
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
1-1/2 teaspoons table salt
2 teaspoons sugar
2-1/4 teaspoons instant or rapid-rise yeast
1-1/4 cups water, hot from the tap
3 tablespoons unsalted butter

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

Sauce:
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/4 cup finely minced onion
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
2 medium garlic cloves , minced or pressed through garlic press (about 2 teaspoons)
1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes
2 tablespoons coarsely chopped fresh basil leaves
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
salt & pepper

Toppings:
1 pound mozzarella cheese, shredded (about 4 cups) (I was short on mozzarella, so I used 1/3 jack cheese)
1/2 ounce grated Parmesan cheese (about 1/4 cup)

4 tablespoons olive oil

Instructions --

Mix together the flour, cornmeal, salt, sugar, and yeast in the bowl of stand mixer. Add the hot water and melted butter and mix on low speed with a dough hook for 5-6 minutes (or knead by hand for the same amount of time). The dough will be fairly soft. Scrape the dough from the sides to the bottom of the bowl and cover the bowl with plastic wrap. Let the dough rise at room temperature until nearly doubled in volume, 45-60 minutes.

While the dough rises, heat the 2 tablespoons butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat until melted. Add the onions and oregano and cook, stirring occasionally, until the liquid has evaporated and the onions are golden brown, ~5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Stir in the tomatoes, increase heat to high, and bring to a simmer. Lower the heat to medium-low and simmer until the sauce is reduced to 2-1/2 cups, 25-30 minutes. Off the heat, stir in the basil and olive oil and add salt and pepper to taste.

After the first rising, turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and roll into a 15"x12" rectangle. Spread the 4 tablespoons of softened butter over surface of dough, leaving 1/2" border along edges. Starting at the short end, roll the dough into a tight cylinder. With the seam side down, flatten the cylinder into an 18"x 4" rectangle. Cut the rectangle in half crosswise. Fold each half into thirds, like a business letter, and then pinch the seams together to form a ball. Repeat with the other half. Return the balls to the mixing bowl, cover tightly with plastic wrap, and let rise in refrigerator until nearly doubled in volume, 40-50 minutes (or longer!).

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees about an hour before you plan on baking the pizza.

Coat two 9-inch round cake pans with 2 tablespoons olive oil each. Transfer one of the dough balls to a lightly-floured work surface and roll out into a 12" disk, about 1/4" thick. Transfer the dough to one of the prepared pans and press the dough into the corners and 1" up the sides. If the dough resists stretching, let it relax for 5-10 minutes before trying again. Repeat with the remaining ball of dough.

For each pizza, sprinkle one half of the mozzarella evenly over the surface of the dough. Spread one half of the tomato sauce over the cheese and sprinkle half of the Parmesan over the sauce. Bake at 425, in the bottom third of the oven, until the crust is golden brown, 20 to 30 minutes. Remove the pizza from the oven and let it rest 10 minutes before slicing and serving.


And for your amusement... when you let two balls of dough rise next to each other in the same bowl, you end up with a rather funny-looking outcome:

The end.

Pizza Sfincioni

A few additional notes on this recipe:

I did not use the panko the recipe calls for. Not that I have anything against panko, it is just with all the bread that is always around the house, I don't have much of a need to buy bread crumbs. I used sourdough crumbs made from some stale bread heels I had in the freezer. Chopped the bread into cubes and tossed it in the food processor for a nice, long ride. And I did not even bother to dry the crumbs. By the time they baked in the oven with the oil and herbs, they were plenty dry and crunchy. So no need to run out and buy panko if you have any type of "plain" bread in the house.

And I did not use the "Pizza Dough Flavor" nor the "Pizza Seasoning" (both sold by King Arthur Flour). I simply omitted the "Pizza Dough Flavor". To substitute for the "Pizza Seasoning" in the sauce, I used a tablespoon of dried basil, and a half teaspoon each of oregano and thyme. And added a fresh garlic clove, minced with a garlic press, just before adding the tomatoes to the onions. For the "Pizza Seasoning" in the crumb topping, I used some onion powder, garlic powder, dried oregano, dried thyme and dried basil. How much? Some. Start with a half teaspoon of the onion, garlic, oregano and thyme and a full teaspoon of the basil. Mix together with the crumbs and oil and add more onion/garlic/herbs (and salt?) to taste.

Lastly, the word "Sficioni". Italian, of course, Sicilian, specifically. There are quite a few spelling variations: sfinciune, sfincione, sfinciuni, sfincioni. Using the alternate spelling of "sfincione", I found the pronunciation here, at this totally cool site (I think I could listen to that guy speak all day long).

So now that you can say it and you don't have to make a run to the store for the panko and/or mail-order specialty seasoning mixes, you have no excuse not to make it yourself. Unless... click.

A New Year, A New Resolution

Ah, my poor, poor, neglected blog. I just cannot seem to find the time to write anymore. And to take up even more of my time, I resolved this year to try out more new recipes. The goal is to cook at least two new savory recipes and one new sweet recipe a week. Since some of my friends (Cheep!) are probably already getting tired of emails about my latest cooking endeavors, I'll try to restrict most of my commentary to this blog from now on. Win-win?

To catch you all up on what I've made so far...

Pizza Sfincioni -- Pizza topped with flavored, crispy bread crumbs. Yes, bread crumbs. Carbs atop carbs with cheese in the middle. What more can one want? I'll be baking this recipe again and possibly adding some anchovies to the sauce next time.

Cajun Red Beans & Rice -- Not bad. I deviated from the recipe and used country ham instead of the bacon and I'm not sure that was the best decision. It's a recipe I'd like to try again to see if I can make it better. [I've linked to a "Cook's Illustrated" recipe above. Only members are allowed access to their on-line recipes, but if you are interested in any of their recipes that I link to, let me know and I'll email you a copy.]

Lemon Cream Cheese Coffee Cake -- I made this for an OSC board meeting that I hosted the week before last. It was a pretty easy to make cake and held well. In fact, I did not notice any real staling until nearly a week later. I used lemon's from my mother-in-law's farm, but I'm thinking of trying it without any lemon next time. Don't get me wrong, the lemon flavor was good, but it masked that wholesome dairy flavor of the cream cheese. [Another CI recipe, same deal as above.]

Indoor Pulled Pork -- Pretty darn good. A little (unattended) time-consuming, but easy. The smoke flavor comes from liquid smoke and you might not know the pork was not really smoked. I made the "Sweet & Tangy BBQ Sauce" from the recipe and it was far too sweet with not enough tang. Adding some cider vinegar helped a lot, but next time, I'll cut way down on the molasses. I will definitely make this one again. [Yet another CI recipe, the Jan/Feb '10 issue was a good one!]

Bacon and Cheddar Pretzel Bites -- I had to take a finger food (and they meant it -- no forks!) to a party to share and it was a really cold day, so I was searching for something that would be good at a rather cool room-temperature. I ended up taking these and they worked out perfectly for those somewhat restrictive conditions. I made half of them with bacon & cheddar and the other half with smoked paprika & cheddar because I knew there would be a number of vegetarians in the crowd. They were all good, but the bacon ones where gone in a snap. Changes to the recipe: subbed bacon for the country ham; sprinkled with coarse salt after boiling but before baking (it will not stick otherwise); and skipped the brushing with butter (did that with one batch and it made them far too greasy). I did not make the mustard sauce in the recipe, nor was it missed.

I was feeling rather retro last week and whipped up some Tomato Aspic, but I'll save that story for another day. And I made Chicago-Style Pizza last night. However, it was so delicious that it is worthy of a post all to itself. So that is all for now.

New recipes planned for this week:
Pork Meatball Banh Mi (I baked some baguettes last week as back-up on the off-chance the pretzel bites where an unmitigated disaster and still have a couple loaves in the freezer, so the bread is all taken care of already.)
Deli Rye Blitz Bread
Tasty Toaster Tarts (in other, non-trademarked words: Pop Tarts! I printed out this recipe on 4/17/08, so I've been meaning to try it for quite a while.)

Potayto, Potahto...

It is that time of year again... spring migration... warblers... specifically, northern parulas. As in: "Hey, look! There's a p......". Damn! Who am I out birding with?

Am I in the company of people who pronounce it "PAIR-oola" as in a Pair of Oolas? (BTW, Oola is a Twi'lek dancer in Jabba the Hutt's court.) Or am I surrounded by those who say "pa-RUH-la"? (To continue with what appears to be a theme, Ruhla, a 40's-era comic book character, is also a rather scantily clad fantasy woman.) It seems like whichever way I say it, there will be someone in the group who'll give me that look... the one that basically asks what planet am I from (Tatooine?) and if English is my first language.

And then, after much threatening to come up with another pronunciation just so I can confuse everyone, I ran across this article that says it is "PAR-you-lah". Drats! He beat me to it!

I've read that Audubon and Wilson both called it a "Blue Yellow-backed Warbler". Maybe I should attempt to resurrect that usage? Or possibly simply say "NP", short for Northern Parula? Or use "NOPA", the BBL code? Or call up RWT and see if he can come up with some totally new name for the bird like he did with butches (aka snickerdoodles)?

Probably anything is better than "umm... umm... umm..." while someone else calls out the bird.

(Photo courtesy of Paula Sullivan. More of Paula's wonderful photos can be found here.)

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

Although I try to make sure that I do so in person and with great frequency, I also want to give a public "Thank You" to those who've been so supportive of me lately.

2009 has started out as a pretty rough year, with not a lot of relief in sight, and I would not be managing as well as I am without the support of my friends. The following are true friends – those who check up on me regularly, understand if I'm feeling down and don't take it personally if I'm outright anti-social at times.

As they say on DWTS… "In no particular order":

MS, BT and RF – three of my oldest and dearest friends. I wish you all where closer geographically (keeping my fingers crossed, MS!), but you still always call or email just when I need you the most. You know exactly what I'm going through and prove that being a sister does not depend on being related by blood.

SPM – Your great outlook on life continually helps me keep things in perspective. Thank you for taking the time in your oh-so-busy life to email me with such frequency.

HG – Thank you for playing silly word-games with me when I cannot manage a real conversation.

Miss L, EM and JB – You all have stuck by me through some rough times when other "friends" turned out to be anything but. Thank you for meeting me for Thai, tea and treats. I owe you all so much and I'll always be in your corner.

EP and TB – No one else is as successful in getting me out of the house and out of bad moods. Thank you for the zillions of IMs (from the totally inane to those laden with mind-numbing technical minutia) and hundreds of invitations to all sorts of amusements.

MAP – Yeah, tough guy, I'm on to you. Your "random" phone calls are very much appreciated (and I know that RWT is also very glad you're keeping an eye on me). It is good to have you so close-by and, if one of those trees comes down before I get out of here, I'll know just who to call!

DB – Your door-step paper delivery has kept me from freezing these winter mornings and it is nice to know that someone goes out of their way every morning to do something nice for me.

CK – Thank you for giving me great a reason to get out of bed at 0700 on Sunday mornings.

PS – Your gorgeous photographs always cheer my day and your conversation/emails always challenge my mind.

The CH/OD Old Dog Club – Thank you welcoming me into your circle and giving me a sense of community.

TA – Your passion inspires me and your ready friendship will always be remembered. I just hope I can sufficiently repay you with scones.

DS – I realize you do not give your friendship lightly. Thank you for trusting me with it.

The CEC OSC members, especially, SB, DN, SW and CS – Thank you for camaraderie. It is great to have friends to talk with who fully understand the situation.

TT – You are the big brother I always wanted. Thank you for putting up with me all these years.

The G's – After dealing with some pretty challenging neighbors over the years, we've hit the jackpot. Both RWT and I rest better at night knowing you all are right next-door.

Last, but hardly least... EES – You keep me going through the day to day drama that would bore most people to tears. I hope I bring as much to your life as you do to mine.

PMS + Shopping at Whole Foods = One Bad Idea

Every time I buy groceries at Whole Foods, it becomes quite clear as to why it has been at least three months since my last trip – it takes approximately that length of time for the horror of shopping there to fade from my mind. Today was not any better.

As if wandering about the produce area for fifteen minutes looking for the inorganic zucchini was not irksome enough, once I escaped that level of hell, I was trailed by a guy who might possibly be the most tedious man on the face of the earth (or, at least, the Commonwealth of Virginia).

On and on he went in a very loud, whiny voice pontificating that “it is not what in particular one eats, but the important thing is to eat a varied and balanced diet.” I have no issues with his premise, in fact, it is a theory to which I subscribe. However, to hear that blowhard lecturing his mother (mother-in-law? nanny?) for three isles of grocery shopping in his oh-so-condescending manner nearly made me start beating him about the head with my $7.99 per pound pork loin roast (and why, pray tell, do I have to pay three times the amount for a pork loin without additives? ).

The mother (mother-in-law? nanny?) appeared to have fallen into some sort of daze that was only broken when the guy would ask her some inane question in support of his sermon (“What about eating such and such? Would that be good or bad for you?”) or when she would hit me with her grocery cart. Yes, three times she drove her cart directly into me. Not a word of apology or even a blink of acknowledgement. Perhaps she was hoping I would get so angry that I’d put her out of her misery with a large lined-so-there-is-no-dangerous-metal-seepage can of organically grown, fire-roasted (for her pleasure) tomatoes.

I finally got through the last of the dried food isles and saw my escape to the refrigerator case on the far side of the cheese display. Never have I been so happy for the opportunity to buy crème fraiche. Unfortunately, I did not escape without hearing his conclusion that “It is all so obvious to me, I don’t know why more people don’t see it.” Aaack. Whole Fools it is.

The First Pitch

[For those who asked… ]

Every family has their Thanksgiving traditions. Our more pedestrian ones call for the dressing to be made from sourdough bread, my father’s favorite creamed pearl onions to be on the table even though he is the only one who eats them, and any and all carrots present must be maple/mustard glazed. But a few years back, at a Thanksgiving dinner at my oldest sister’s home, a new tradition was started.

First, a little background on my oldest sister, JAC, and her husband, SJC. JAC is employed as a cheesemonger at an upscale grocery store and is the family’s resident “gourmet”. She is also, for lack of a more complimentary term, a grazer. She nibbles all day long. She’ll even pick at the food on anyone’s plate that is within somewhat reasonable reach, but for her to share the food off her own plate… nope. And she never serves anyone enough food at one sitting to really satisfy the appetite. There are definite food control issues at play (I won’t even go into “The Cereal Incident” and its aftershocks that can still be felt to this day).

My brother-in-law has also battled with control issues most of his life, but his are mainly anger-related. I am quite proud at the progress he has made over the years (such as he no longer rams other cars with his car), but my sister can try the patience of a saint. So back to Thanksgiving…

JAC had gone to great lengths to procure some special pâté to serve as an appetizer before the big dinner. When she brought it home from the store earlier in the week, she had pointed it out to SJC and specifically told him the reason it was in the house.

So Thanksgiving afternoon rolled around, appetizers were removed from the refrigerator and JAC noticed that something was amiss with the prized pâté. Not only had it been opened, but “someone” had removed a huge chunk from the middle. My sister went ballistic.

In front of everyone, she started in on SJC with how she had explicitly told him why she had bought the pâté (to which he replied that she never told him he could not eat any beforehand). Then she moved on to why he could not have just take some off one end instead of digging it out of the middle (to which he replied that it was just food).

My sister opened her mouth to start in on the third installment of her tirade when SJC picked up the offending pâté, carried it out to the back deck and chucked it about twenty feet into the woods. The problem was solved, JAC closed her mouth and a family tradition was born.

The following Thanksgiving, my other brother-in-law provided a set of custom made wings to help that year's pâté to be more aerodynamic.

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut

After fifteen-plus years of marriage, I am pretty much accustomed to RWT’s spontaneous and rather arcane pursuits…

RWT: “I think I’ll build a sailboat”
MKT: “Sure, honey.”

RWT: “Will please record the weights of all the veggies you pick from the garden so I can run a cost analysis?”
MKT: “Sure, honey.”

RWT: “I’m going to make hammocks to give to our relatives for Christmas.”
MKT: “Sure, honey.”

RWT: “After I retire, I plan on auditioning for Cirque de Soleil.”
MKT: “Sure, honey.”

RWT: “We need to collect all of these acorns and have an acorn side dish this year at Thanksgiving.”
MKT: “Sure, honey.”

As with most of his ideas, I have not a clue as to the origin. I’m not sure if the latest is merely a side-effect of his not getting any REM sleep because acorns have been raining down on the roof of our house for the last three days. Or perhaps it is some sort of karmic payback for the tree dropping a limb on our car. But, whatever the cause, I see acorn processing in my immediate future. I’ll be sure to let you all know how it goes.