Shiny Happy People

I was recently discussing with a single friend what qualities she looks for in a man and her response was: “an old soul”. I know what she means…

In college, I dated a guy who’d led a very sheltered life. He was born very premature and his family never got out of the habit of protecting him from even the smallest of hardships. He was sweet, he was thoughtful, he was sensitive (it was the only relationship I’ve ever been in where the guy cried more than I did), he was romantic, he was devoted, he was every girl's dream guy. And I found him mind-numbingly dull.

It was not the poor guy’s fault, but we looked at the world from totally different perspectives. He only saw the good and pleasant things, while I could not overlook the negatives and dangers. It was like the thestrals of the Harry Potter books – how only those who have seen death can see them and, to everyone else, they are invisible.

Over the years, I’ve found that the people I am closest to are those who have also gone through some misfortune and heartache in life. They understand how surviving the rough times forces you to use a different scale in defining when things are good (and bad). There is certainly nothing wrong with people who've lived charmed lives, but I simply do not relate well to them.

And what ever happened to that nice guy I dated in college? I dumped him and then dated his roommate. I guess he did finally experience a little bit of tribulation after all.