Hey! You talkin' to me?!?

Confrontation. Ugh.

While I have strong opinions about a lot of things (if you had not already noticed), I do not always voice them, especially in group situations. I like to think (perhaps delusionally) that this is because I am assured enough in my self-worth that I don't need to argue my point to be able to stand behind it with confidence. However, sometimes I start thinking about all the other possible reasons I keep quiet when those around me are speaking up...

1. My mother was very old-fashioned/old-country in some of her beliefs -- especially those concerning "appropriate" behavior for women. She was raised that ladies "should not be a bother", so many times she would just hold her tongue rather than saying what she was thinking. When I was a teenager, my mother would storm around the house, muttering and totally pissed off whenever my father was late for dinner (which was pretty often). My dad would finally breeze in, oblivious to the time, look at the set dinner table and say with genuine surprise: "Oh! Has dinner been waiting long?" To that my mother, who had just been going on and on about my father's inconsiderateness, absent-mindedness and lack of respect, would look my father in the eye and oh-so-sweetly say, without the least bit of sarcasm: "No dear, I just finished making dinner this very minute." I am lucky in that my mother never, ever expected me to emulate her behavior, but I fear that some of it inevitably rubbed off on me.

2. I am the youngest of three girls, my sisters are 6 & 7 years older than me and they are also just as opinionated (if not more!). As a result of being the baby of the family, I was rarely granted the privilege of having an say on most matters (in fact, my sisters sometimes still act that way!). So due to the need for any hope of family harmony (iffy, on a good day, with three sisters), I learned rather early on that I could have my own opinion, but I just could not expect to have the opportunity to share it. Even now, if they are jockeying for attention, I usually just sit quietly and watch.

3. For over 38 years I have been a clergyman's daughter and for 14 years a military wife. Both require a definite need for restraint in social situations. People seem comforted by the expectations of how people in certain circumstances should behave and going against their preconceived notions is not always the most prudent course of action. So when I was a child, I held my tongue not to embarrass my father and as an adult, I do the same for my husband. Which leads nicely to the next reason...

4. My mother-in-law is a woman of strong emotions and is not always the most adept at hiding them. As a result, RWT grew up amidst some pretty spectacular public scenes with his mother at the center of the maelstrom. Just the slightest whiff of calling undo attention to oneself is enough start RWT cringing with dread. So there are times when I make the choice to put my husband's comfort and peace of mind first and just be quiet (although he learned very early on in our marriage never, never, never to utter the phrase "settle down" -- it is a big, red, emotional push-button for me that immediately results in the exact opposite reaction, one of exponential proportions!).

So this blog has really turned into a great place for those thoughts and opinions that I so often keep bottled up in my head. And, upon further reflection, it is truly amazing I ever voice any opinions at all!